I'll be going too
by DarkestWolfx
Summary: Ethan and Cal have a proper conversation for the first time since the accident.


My usual note's at the bottom this time, we'll just dive straight into this one. x

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><p>Cal had been spending the hours of his shift counting down the hours until it was officially over. Treating Ethan had been a terrible experience. He'd then treated Ash, Connie walking in after a minute or two and assisting. It was only once Ash was stable and doing fine that she told him Jeff was dead.<p>

Everyone offered suggestions of ways to tell his brother, even going so far as to offer to be the one who told him, but he wanted to be the one to tell Ethan.

It might not have been his wisest moment, but Ethan didn't cope well with grief and Cal wanted a chance to patch up the last grievance which had occurred: the death of their mother throughout which, he had acted like an inchoate child not being given their way.

At the end of that shift (as Cal decided it would be named), he didn't change and just went straight to see Ethan. What he said didn't register, but however he'd put his words, the nurses left as he wished, leaving him with his brother, solitude and silence waiting until he woke up.

"You're awake?" A question was a stupid idea.

"I have been for a while," Ethan answered, removing his oxygen mask to do so, "It's just easier keeping your eyes shut."

Cal disregarded the possibility of Ethan having been awake to hear him earlier upon a strict basing that he wouldn't live it down, having such an emotional and vulnerable moment which could be retold by anyone but him and continued off of what his instincts suddenly ordered and at that moment, it was not to discuss his emotional speech.

"Hey, keep that on." He insisted as he stood and grabbed the mask, placing it back where it should be before lowering himself back into his chair.

Ethan, watched Cal intently for a moment. His brother was being unusually cautious and despite being in a somewhat delicate state, he didn't need mollycoddling from the person who had never had any intent to do so over the policy of mockery.

It was unusual to say the least, if not the deep unknown.

Too many thoughts were in Ethan's head and too little words were able to express them. Ethan had no idea what he wanted to say to anyone, not even to Cal with whom he was rarely lost for words with even if they ended being bitter, violently expressed ones.

He lifted his hand, but Cal's ended up on top of his and the elder brother shook his head, obviously having already predicted Ethan's move. They stayed that way for a moment before Cal moved his hand and the second he did, Ethan decided to raise his own, his brother being caught off guard resulting in no chance for him to stop him.

"Cal-"

"No, don't speak, Ethan."

"Cal, please just-" The younger tried again.

"Put the mask on and keep it on, Eth," Caleb stressed, "For me?"

"I will when you tell me what's bothering you."

"Why would you suspect there is something?"

"Do you want me to keep talking?" Ethan questioned, not quite sure why he thought something was up he just did, there was just too much out of place. Too little in the sense of normality.

"There was an explosion at the crash site," Cal started after a moment, raising a hand when Ethan went to open his mouth, "Ash is fine, they got him out, but…"

"But..?" Ethan asked almost as quickly as Cal ended.

"Jeff didn't," Cal paused for a moment, although he had no idea quite why, it wasn't like it softened the blow of the news, "He died in the explosion."

"What?"

"He died, Ethan, there was nothing anyone could do," The younger simply lowered his head, his eyes downcast and wandering, "Ethan?" Cal leaned forward and tried to look his brother in the eye.

When Ethan said nothing after a moment, he looked down too before placing the oxygen mask back over his brother's mouth as they had agreed.

"I'll just… I'll be back in a moment."

"No," Ethan's voice was so meek that Cal barely heard it, but as he turned around, he saw his little brother remove his oxygen mask, "Don't." His voice was stronger this time and Cal sat himself back down.

The silence was as heavy as deep smoke at a camp fire and the tension was as high as the tallest building in London. Cal had ensured Ethan kept his oxygen mask back on and the fifteen minutes he spent sat there were some of the most uncomfortable moments of his life. His lack of ability to know what to say was ireful and he simply wished that he could have a little more tact for moments such as these.

Ethan couldn't believe what his brother had told him. It was strange to think the man he had worked with, the man who had helped him just the other day, the man who had ensured he lived whilst trapped in the mini bus, was dead.

For a long time – or so it seemed, he wasn't counting – Ethan didn't look at his brother, he didn't look anywhere but down.

"Cal…"Ethan stated after the canyon gap, but Cal simply dismissed it (in as kind a way as possible), concerning more for the health of his brother than delving into conversation over Jeff.

"Please Ethan just rest."

So that was what he did.

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><p>Caleb didn't turn up for work in the morning and Ethan knew his brother was going to be late when he woke up and saw him still laying awkwardly with his head on the edge of the bed, on top of his arms.<p>

Ethan watched him for quite some time, then moving his gaze to stare at the ceiling before his restlessness forced him to seek movement. Sitting up, slowly and painfully, was a movement which woke Cal as though he was attached to Ethan on a string, the elder quickly registering through his sleep blocked eyes what his sibling was attempting to do.

"Hey, easy, easy," Cal supported his brother, helping him to sit up and keeping a hand on his back once he had done so, "You alright?"

Ethan simply nodded. After a moments passing, he removed the mask and turned his head to face Cal.

"You're late."

"Doesn't matter."

"No?"

"No, it doesn't but you do." Almost immediately after Cal said it he retreated. Sitting himself back down and removing his hand from Ethan's back. The silence was tense despite the fact it really shouldn't be as they were brothers after all. Ethan's eyes followed Cal as he moved, fussing as he checked all of his little brothers vital and statistics on the machinery. Cal updated his notes and swapped his oxygen mask for nasal oxygen tubes to allow Ethan a way of easier conversation - and (Cal decided in his mind) because the oxygemask was never going to remain on in the end.

"Do you want anything from home?" Cal queried, knowing Ethan would be in bed for a while.

"Can I do some paperwork?"

"No."

"Can I have some books?"

"No."

"Can I have my laptop then?"

"No- um, yes – sorry – of course," Cal corrected, thinking automatically that his designated answer would need to be a no (and the glare Ethan was giving him implied he needed to say yes eventually), "I'll um, I'll grab it."

"Cal?" Ethan asked, watching as his brother held the door handle, poised to open it and leave the room.

"Hmm." Responded the elder as he looked round.

"Thank you," Ethan began, "For everything you did yesterday."

"You're welcome." Cal replied.

"Although, if there's a next time, could you lay off the jokes for once."

"If there's a next time, Ethan," Caleb started, "I wouldn't be surprised if I end up having a heart attack."

Cal hoped there wouldn't be and the next time Connie or anyone superior suggested a trip such as that, if Ethan was going, he would be too.

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><p>I know we're past Born Lucky, but I found this and realised I must have forgotten to upload it, so I edited it slightly and here it is. Thanks to all of you for the continued reviews, favourites and alerts, I really do appreciate it. x<p> 


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